The Road to Exceedingly & Abundantly

♥ 9 min read-

Much of my life has been spent waiting on exceedingly and abundantly to happen. With the anticipation of a kid on Christmas morning, I was waiting for a miracle to happen that would blow my mind. I would cheer when others shared their testimonies but the “exceedingly & abundantly” God they spoke about, I didn’t know. I was acquainted with the “essentials” God. The God I knew was like the responsible parent who made sure the basics were taken care of. I had yet to experience that other guy, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. In my mind, I gave Him plenty of opportunities to come through. I would write the vision and make it plain, increase my expectation, pray, and name it and claim it. I followed all the directions I heard, but still nothing. Somewhere along the way, it became clear that maybe all the extra wasn’t for me, so I reduced my expectations and resigned myself to just be grateful for whatever God freely gave. Since He didn’t seem to want to do more, I was done asking.

It’s amazing how easy it is to let go of some of the promises in the Bible because you misunderstood what was necessary to receive them. I shudder when I think about the ramifications that came from drawing that one conclusion. For years I operated as if that lie was the truth.

I wonder how many blessings I’ve left on the table. How many open doors I didn’t walk through. How many miracles didn’t fully manifest or blessings I didn’t fully receive. I wonder how often I settled for less. Only heaven knows what I left behind. What blessings I logicized my way out of. What I let slip through my fingers.

Who would I have been if I would have had the faith to maximize every Godportunity (God + opportunity)? My guess,  I would be who I’m becoming now. I just would have gotten here much faster. When I look back at my life, I see how this decision spawned tentacles and took hold of other areas of my life. I see its DNA in many things I would have never thought it would affect, but its impossible to accurately calculate the casualties of choosing to build your life on a lie.

Collateral Damage 

Them Boys

I am a strong believer that how you operate in your relationship with God is mirrored in other relationships in your life. So not surprisingly deducing that I wasn’t worthy of more from God opened the door for me to settle in romantic relationships. Every boy I have dated has been a good man, but I can’t say that any of them have been what was best for me. Each of them was deeply flawed in a way that mirrored my own deficiency. My mindset in all of my relationships was to help, to support, to push them to reach their potential. I was never focused on my own growth or development. I always gave more than I got, because I always felt like I had more to give. I was a sucker for a project with potential. I DIYed every boyfriend I had. I attempted to fix their broken places and propped them up so they had the confidence to go after their dreams. It never quite seemed like the support was reciprocal, but I didn’t need it. I was self-sufficient. I inherently set it up so they needed me more than I needed them. I had learned a long time ago not to expect more.

That Man

I am ashamed of how much I’ve put my father through. See the funny thing about being a person with high expectations who lowered them is that you essentially expect to be disappointed, but you’re still not happy about it. This made me almost unbearable to live with and nearly destroyed my relationship with my father. Somewhere along the way, I think when I lowered my expectation of God, I unconsciously raised my expectations of my father. Being the human that he is, he nearly buckled under the pressure. Things were fine when I was young and he was protected by his shinning armor but as I got older the knight persona faded away and reality set in. He was a flawed human being and he paid dearly for every time he disappointed me. I couldn’t understand why he just couldn’t do this or be that. It seemed like we were always at odds. I couldn’t stand him and I thought it was because of him, but it was all me. Every disappointment was compounded. I had left him no margin of error. He not only had to live up to the standard I imposed on him as my father, but he had the added bonus of covering God’s deficit. One of my fathers had to come through for me and since God obviously didn’t want to, it was all on him.

Those Dreams

I have always been ambitious but only to a point. I consistently stutter-stepped when it’s time for the big jump. I hesitated, logicized, delayed until the opportunity was no longer an option. I never went for the big things. Low hanging fruit was more my speed. I never moved away from home (other than college, but that was still in-state). I never took an international trip (I have now). I never even negotiated my salary when accepting a new position (I have now). I didn’t stray too far outside of my bubble. I stayed in the nest, never really trying to fly because I wasn’t convinced that the wind that held others up would sustain me too. I was certain that I would be disappointed so I just didn’t ask for too much. I could believe for others but I just didn’t need all that for myself.

In every area of my life, I played it safe. I chose relationships with people who wouldn’t really require me to grow and stayed near my comfort zone so I wouldn’t have to trust God for anything more than the basics. The problems started when He determined that He was done being my “essentials” God and started forcing me to trust Him for more. I hated it. Because I hadn’t been used to believing for and receiving more, the process felt exhausting. I didn’t have the will to dream on my own, so God started dreaming for me. He literally spoon-fed me an abundant mindset. He told me specifically what to trust Him for.

Training Wheels 

The Story of Judah

I have a weird habit of naming my cars. I’ve had a Mabel, Patti, Colby, and Jada. My current car’s name is Judah. For most of 2018, I was believing God for a 2018 Sonata Limited. Not because I specifically wanted one but because that’s the car God told me to get. The process was painful. The car was too expensive and the deal I wanted every car salesman swore I would never get (some of them were downright mean. #Dreamcrushers). I didn’t need all the features and I definitely didn’t need the luxury trim. I didn’t understand why I just couldn’t get the version that was in my budget. Every step of the way I fought for God to give me less. I complained. I was frustrated. I wanted to give up, but God had backed me into a corner. I knew what I heard and my obedient streak wouldn’t let me be flagrantly disobedient. So I kept going but I wasn’t happy about it. Finally, I resigned myself to wait. As long as it took I would wait for what God promised. In Dec. of 2018, I tripped upon a deal on the exact car God spoke to me about and purchased it for a price lower than what I had asked for.

Goshen

When my Granny passed away the ownership of her house transferred to my mother and uncle. My uncle didn’t want to sell the house and my mother didn’t want to be a landlord. I am the only one of my siblings living in the city and my lease happened to be up on my apartment that month. Needless to say, all eyes were on me. The house was paid off and the thought of only having to pay utilities was enough to make me get over the fact that my grandmother died in the house (this creeped me out) and agree to move in. The only problem was that there was no way I could live in the house like it was. For one I needed to make the house my own so I would be able to mentally live there and on the other hand, there were a lot of issues with the house that my grandmother ignored or chose not to address. Just thinking of what this would cost stressed me out.

Being the ever proactive one I contacted a family friend who was a contractor and asked him to do a walkthrough of the house so we could see what updates were needed. The estimate exceeded $30k. Now I know that’s not a whole lot when it comes to a home renovation, but I did not have an extra $30k lying around. My loyalty to my mother and uncle motivated me to push forward so we started with the renovations. I had to pray every step of the way. With every new issue with the house, we uncovered it elevated my faith and stress to a new level. But God saw me through. By the end of the renovation, I had a new job and was making more money than I had ever made before. Every time money was due I was able to pay the contractor (He gave me one heck of a deal) and I was able to decorate exactly how I wanted to. No loan. No credit card. Just God.

Gonzaga

Going to Gonzaga for graduate school was not my choice. In fact, I had eliminated it because it was too expensive. Yea I though their degree option was perfect for me but there were other reputable schools with good programs for way less money. They were good enough. Apparently, they weren’t good enough for God though. He told me to go to Gonzaga and I knew better than to argue with Him. I enrolled not knowing how I would pay for school. Since then I have received two scholarships, a stipend from work and a raise. I’ll graduate next year debt-free. No loan. No credit card. Just God.

The Point Of It All

Much like I grew inch by inch, God grew my capacity for more miracle by miracle. None of them I asked for verbally. Before I could even hope for them my mind eliminated them as an option, but I think God answered the prayer of my heart. I have learned to admit that I want more. I still write the vision, pray over it and claim it and all that, but now I also submit it to God, ask Him to show me if it’s for me and patiently wait for it to manifest. I hold my dreams loosely, allowing God to change them and adapt them to His plan and timeline. If the answer is no or not yet I try not to let the disappointment distract me (I’m still working on that) and keep it moving. I’ve learned to protect my hope and to not chain my trust in God to the outcome of each prayer.

What I See Clearly:  The defense mechanism that I set up to protect me was killing me. My deficient mindset was dangerous because it had the power to stagnate my present while starving my destiny because it was stealing my belief. I urge you to believe again. Logic will never have the power to sustain us. It will either protect us or imprison us because it forces us to think about the worst-case scenario (at least for me it did). Learn to flip it. There is always evidence that what God said is possible, we just have to train our minds to believe it.

«Consider This»

• Learn to catch yourself when you start talking yourself out of a dream. Do you have a habit of submitting your dreams to God or to logic?
• Have you allowed yourself to believe that God doesn’t want to bless you?
• Can you truly say you’ve maximized every Godportunity? What changes do you need to make to do this?

Let’s have a conversation about this. Share your thoughts below.