Resisting Rest: Is Clinging to Busyness Really Just an Excuse to Not Slow Down?

♥ 7 MIN READ-

It seems that I love to sleep but I hate to rest. Sitting still and seemingly doing nothing feels like timeout. I like activity, feeling productive, making things happen, being busy- but I have found that what sometimes looks like busyness for me is actually… running… avoidance…escaping. If I’m honest, the idea of rest is more appealing than the actual act. Sleep is something I initiate, but rest is usually inconveniently inserted into my life by God. Sleep comes easily, but rest is a conscious choice to stop on all levels and allow God to refresh me. Illogically I resist rest and cling to busyness because if I don’t slow down I can’t hear and if I can’t hear I don’t feel obligated to change. Busyness gives me an excuse.

What I See Clearly

One of the hardest things about this rest thing is that it requires me to disconnect and come away with God. It requires me to leave everyone and everything else behind and prioritize Him. I’m fine when God is in the mix of my life, but when He commands my undivided attention it feels…restrictive. It feels too serious. It makes me run as if I’ll miss out on what I really want somewhere else. When God requires me to rest my response always makes it glaringly obvious how uncomfortable I am putting Him first.

Withholding

I have always been protective of my time. Every job I’ve ever worked I have had the understanding that they were paying for 8 hours of my time and anything more was a gift I chose to give. My time is mine. It is one of the most valuable resources I possess and I treat it as such. But when I am feeling like God is withholding something from me (a response, open doors, unanswered prayers), my first move is to subtly withhold my time from Him (Man I can act sooo entitled sometimes). My body may be at rest but I commandeer my mind. Social media. Music. Phone conversations. Books. I create a distraction to provide an excuse. I take space. I create distance. I subtly Heisman God under the guise of being busy, but it’s my way to evoke control. My actions essentially say “I love and fear you too much to blatantly disobey you, but I will low key ignore you when you disappoint me.”

Sometimes this Christian life is hard for me because I fully believe that God is in control and if He’s in control then He’s responsible. So when things happen that hurt me it can be tough to reconcile. By default, I go to “If you love me then how could you let this happen” or “You promised to protect me but you let me get hurt.” With each hurt and each disappointment, I have had to repair my trust in God because that’s the first thing that takes a hit. I have been taught so much that God is Lord that at times I don’t want to face when His actions have upset me, but in these instances, my behavior is always honest, even if my words aren’t.

Within the confines of my relationship with God, I don’t always recognize His actions as love. My head knows that it is love but I usually have trouble seeing it that way and until I can, I inherently take space. Until I see it as love, I protect myself from it. I need time to process. To be. To choose Him again. And each time after the distance has become too much and I no longer feel like myself, I make my way back to Him.

I know it sounds counterproductive but my relationship with God has gotten stronger because of this. Having the space to walk away and make the decision to choose God without being forced or pressured is one of the greatest gifts God gives me. This may not work for everyone but for me, it reminds me that I not only have the freedom to choose or reject this relationship but that it’s also about me just as much as it’s about God. I know that sounds crazy but the way God handles me, the way He chooses when to speak, when to give me space and when to just let me be shows me that He cares about creating a relationship that is unique to me. It’s not His way or the highway. It’s not just about what He wants, my wants and needs matter too. For me, this is love in action. It is the evidence that heals my faith and restores my trust in Him every time.

A Message to You

Sometimes this life can make it seem like life is just happening and that there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s like there’s a plan and you just have to roll with the punches hoping that what you want is included in it. Living like this can erode your faith because God can feel more like a boss than a savior. Look at your behavior toward God and it will show you how you really see Him. Don’t be afraid to have an honest conversation with Him about it. Use this as a springboard to deepen your relationship.

Your relationship with Him is meant to be customized and adaptable to who you are and where you are- not to accommodate your whims but to meet your needs. For example: Because I hate to be controlled my relationship with God can never be framed where control is the motivation for my obedience. I could never serve a God who dealt in power plays, intimidation, ultimatums or who’s pulling me like a puppet on a string. That’s not love to me. Relationships with God are not one size fits all. No real relationship is perfect but no relationship can grow without honesty. Be honest with God and then be open to His response. He will show you exactly who He is.

Avoiding

Every so often life becomes frustrating or uncomfortable, mundane, or irritatingly unsatisfying. I’ll feel stuck or like I can’t shake the feeling that everything is pulling on me and I need a break. It inherently grates on me until I have no choice but to look for a solution. When I’m smart I give up and go to God. When I’m hard-headed I avoid Him and try to fix it myself. Honestly, there are no amount of spa days, vacations, or “me time” sessions that can fix this because I’m tired on a soul level and I can feel it. I know I need to rest, but I resist it.

The reality is that when I start feeling like this it is a signal that its time for something to change. It is like God is calling me to have a conversation but I send Him to voicemail. When I feel like change is coming that I’m not ready for I run because I’m convinced that it will cost me too much. Rest requires me to stop and face it all when I just want to keep running.

Like a 2-year-old fighting sleep rest comes for me one way or another, either by choice or by exhaustion. Either I choose to slow down or God slows me down. After a lifetime of having to be slowed down I’ve learned that it’s not worth it to run. It’s a waste of my time and energy to avoid a conversation that I will inevitably have to have anyway. In the end, I’ll always come back, and every time I regret the time I wasted.

Perspective

I am learning to shift my perspective on rest. Although it can be an inconvenience, rest is not a suggestion. It is required. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is meant to be a lifestyle, not pockets of time where we “get away” but a way of living that allows God to give us rest consistently.

In our hustle-hard culture grinding is prioritized more than rest. We don’t value balance. Exhaustion is a badge of honor. We treat ourselves as if what we do is more valuable than who we are. We’ve got to tell ourselves a new story about rest.

This year I have learned how to flow not force. Flow allows for rest, forcing inevitably leads to exhaustion. Forcing ties me to a plan and makes my will the confines for my comfort zone, and when God requires me to come off my pre-determined path, forcing makes running, ignoring and avoiding seem like the best course of action. I want to live a life of rest, a life that resists the stress and worry that accompanies forcing my own plan and running from God. I know what the alternative feels like. In my rush to make-it-happen I typically achieve my goal but hate the process. Life wasn’t meant to always just get to the next. So often people look up and what they have to show for all of the forcing is an unfulfilling life. God loves us too much to let that happen so we’ve got to love ourselves enough to give us what we need.

By all means hustle, but balance it and make sure you’re hustling for the right reason. Examine your motivation. If you look closer you might find that the root of your need to hustle is fear of not having enough, a lack of trust, pride or so much more. Do your part and let God do the rest. Prioritize your relationship with Him and He’ll make it happen for you. Favor can take you was further than hustle can anyway.

«Consider This»

It is easy to get so caught up in “doing” that you don’t realize that you’re not resting. Sometimes resisting rest is a conscious decision but sometimes it’s not. Regardless it can be damaging to hustle so hard that resting is on the back burner. You weren’t designed for that and God has a way of showing you. Either slow down or be slowed down.

• Examine your life, is God signaling you to slow down and rest?
• What ways can you create a lifestyle that welcomes rest? Are there any ways you could be resisting it?
• What is the root of your hustle?

Let’s have a conversation about this. Share your thoughts below.