Lessons From 32

♥ 12 MIN READ-

Every year I try to commemorate my birthday with reflection. Life moves quickly, so I try to slow down and assess the lessons I’ve learned. I treat it like my new year and take a real look at where I am, how I got there, and where I wanna be (Donnell Jones is playing in my head right now…swee do we do ah dee doop dee deeeee). I believe it’s important to assess what exactly I’ve learned from my journey because a lesson I can’t slow down and acknowledge is nearly impossible to live out and retain. I need to know what I’ve learned so I can see where I’ve come from and headed toward. Lessons indicate direction.

 

So hears a little of what I’ve learned this year.

 

Lesson 1: Slowing Down is the Only Way to Speed Up

It seems the busier I got doing things for God the less I wanted to slow down and be with God. That is my downfall. I like the busyness. I feel the need to be with God, but I will ignore it and try to work around it, knowing that never works. My biggest challenge is to keep my to-do list and not lose my hunger. To keep the tempo without ignoring my thirst.

 

What I See Clearly

This year I saw clearly that my acceleration comes from my time with God. My clearer vision, strategic thinking, efficiency, stamina, etc., all happen because of proximity. When I spend time with Him, I flow better in everything I’m meant to do. Not just the things categorized as spiritual or ministry, but career, business, and life in general. Being in His presence is the key to my efficiency. I can’t tell you how often I’ve gotten strategy for myself or someone else during my time with God. Learning to value my time with God has truly made everything else easier, including communicating and understanding the nuances of how His Spirit leads me.

 

In the past, I have struggled and had anxiety about hearing from God. For a person who loves to be sure, sometimes the communication wasn’t as concrete as I would have liked and it was easy for me to doubt when God was speaking.

 

A Message to You

Relaxing makes it easier to hear, but it’s hard to relax when you are trying to hear God in a do or die, between a rock and a hard place type of situation. That’s too much pressure. You need to practice when there’s not so much at stake. My time with God was my training ground. I would hear or feel things and have the freedom to obey or watch and see if they came to pass (depending on what was required of me). This allowed me to learn how God communicated with me without the threat of catastrophe if I was wrong.

 

The more you learn yal’s communication flow, the more you’ll recognize how it feels when it’s God speaking and how to know when He’s not. Pay attention to how your body responds to the Spirit. For me, I usually feel a burning in my stomach, or my heart races when it’s God speaking, so early on that was one of my tests. When I would hear or see something that I thought might be a message from God, I would do a body check. Did I feel it? If I didn’t it might not be God.

This can be a starting point to learn your personal communication process with God, but don’t stay here. Just like our communication evolves on a human level, our spiritual one should too. My goal is to get to a place of “knowing.” I believe while we’re learning, there’s a certain amount of guessing and figuring out if it’s really God. At some point though, communicating with Him has become such a normal part of life that you no longer question what’s going on. When He sends a message we know it’s Him.

Life will not always slow down for you to hear God. Some seasons we have to slow it down, some we have to keep it moving and learn to listen, and others are a mixture. This year life sped up, so I’ve had to intentionally slow down. Communication didn’t always happen during those quiet moments, so I learned to run and hear at the same time. I practiced keeping my ear tuned enough that God’s voice didn’t get drowned out by my fast pace. It felt like learning to spin like a ballerina. Focus was the key. We must learn how to spin with life but keep our eyes on what’s essential so the spin doesn’t become counterproductive.

 

 

Lesson 2: Sometimes Unplanned Disconnection is Divine

Presence is important to me. For everyone I love, I try to find a way to be there. Even before the pandemic, God was slowly pulling me back from those I loved. At times I wanted to be there, I couldn’t. The ways I would have once shown my support, I wasn’t allowed. Sometimes people didn’t understand my pull back, and I didn’t fully either, so I couldn’t explain (which was frustrating). The distance hurt, but my arms stretched. 

 

What I See Clearly

I learned that absence is sometimes as beneficial as presence. Sometimes it’s necessary, not as a punishment, but as a strategic move of God. I learned to love and support in a new way.

 

Disconnection is not death, but it does hurt when it’s mislabeled, and it can be excruciating when it’s resisted. It’s not always personal. Sometimes it’s divine. Before we become offended or try to hold on too tightly we need to ask God for its purpose. We’re often disconnected so we can be reconnected in the right ways for a purposed season. Trust. Reconnection will happen when it’s meant to.

 

 

Lesson 3: Handle With Care & Respect Timing

My standard of bringing the truth to people has changed. It’s become less about if I feel like people need to hear the truth and more about if God has shown me it’s time for them to hear that particular truth through me. Honestly, it’s pride for me to have ever thought that my judgment was right all the time. 

 

What I See Clearly

The truth is we rarely correctly decipher what timing is best for someone else. That’s why discernment is essential. You have to learn to separate your opinion from God’s leading. When we (not God) decide what truth we’re going to bring to someone else, we end up harming the other person by forcing them to receive a truth that was ill-timed and unordained. 

 

What I’ve learned is that the timing is as much for them as it is for me. Usually, when I decided it was time to “correct in love” or say my piece, it wasn’t received well because I didn’t see all that was truly going on. When you only see that person’s behavior, you’re only seeing the surface but not in the Spirit. Changing your level of sight changes everything. For me, it changed my words, my tone, my delivery, and my timing. Being Spirit-led gives God time to mature your sight before you open your mouth. It allows Him to separate your opinion from His message.

 

Ask yourself:

• • • Is this my opinion?
    • Did God tell me it was time?
    • Is this necessary for me to say?
    • Did God tell me I was the right one to deliver this message?

 

 

Here are my rules of engagement

1. 1. 1. I let God lead me, not the perceived need, my expectation (what I think the other person needs to know or needs to change), my opinion, or others.
      2. I wait for care instructions- What I’m supposed to say, how, and when. I try to remember only God can show me how to handle His child. Sometimes God may only tell me when and who, and it’s my job to make sure I listen closely enough to hear the rest.
      3. I stay neutral. Since God is in charge of the process, His pace is what matters. I have no expectation of how they should respond or am in the position to force them to receive the message. I am not in control. Our responsibility is to empty our opinion so all that’s left is God’s leading and desires. It’s our job to remove the contamination of our desires.

 

 

I’ve learned the power of my voice and how to recognize when I need to speak up, but also when it’s best to allow the message to come from someone else. Just because I see it doesn’t mean it’s mine to address. We focus so much on the harm that comes from our silence that we miss its blessing and minimize the damage our words can cause. We get so excited to speak up that we end up hijacking someone else’s growth process by speaking prematurely. Their growth process is not your business unless God invites you into the process. Wait for the invitation before you open your mouth (That is an A & B conversation so C your way out). 

Our desire to impact and change others can’t outweigh our respect for God’s process or His care instructions for His children. To not be out of order before we try to change someone else, we must wait for Him to change us first.

This is a lesson I wish others had learned before handling me, and I had learned before hurting others. Truthfully I’ve been both the victim and the assailant in this category. My mouth has a body count that’s much higher than I would care to admit, but God has given me the grace to learn from these casualties. And when I look at the pain I’ve endured at the carelessness of other people’s “correction,” I’m grateful. Sometimes God allows harm to come because after He heals us, we have a sensitivity to that area. If we’re willing, we can help those who’ve endured harmful “correction” heal and help “correctors” learn a better way to handle it with care.

When you intimately know the pain of an experience, you’ll be tempted to only help fellow survivors, but don’t forget to give grace to the perpetrators. Sometimes God sends you to them because they can be taught to do differently, and they need healing too. Take the offense out of it and see their heart so you can help others like them choose to operate differently.

 

 

Lesson 4: Surrender Brings Alignment

My goal was a balanced life, or so I thought. I was trying to systematically work on the individual elements to bring my life into alignment, but it never quite seemed to balance. Something always seemed to be missing or in flux, and I could always feel the lack of harmony. What I needed though, was to live a surrendered life. Focusing on what God was focusing me on and everything else fell into place on its own.

 

What I See Clearly

I was foolish to think I could manage my life like I manage my department at work. That would work if my life was purely natural, but a spiritual life needs a spiritual managerial approach, and that’s what was always missing. My strategy was off.

 

If your life lacks harmony, you need to find the “opener.” There are seemingly insignificant acts of obedience, that combined with a surrendered heart posture, will open up your life, and position you for your destiny. We can plan our way into a great life, but only God can move us into the life of exceedingly and abundantly we were created for. The path to that is surrender.

 

A Surrendered Life in a Nutshell

1. 1. 1. Hear His Voice
      2. Follow His Direction
      3. Receive the Results

 

 

Surrender can feel like a scary word, but we’ve got to realize who we’re surrendering to. This isn’t an oppressive person who wants to take advantage of us or a manipulator who wants to set us up for failure. Every instruction is to make us a better version of ourselves and to get us closer to living on the level we’re meant to. We surrender because we love and trust that He really knows what’s best, but being unsure of that fact makes you double-minded and obediently schizophrenic.

 

 

Lesson 5: Sometimes Perspective is Privileged 

It can be difficult when God shifts your identity, but some people around you don’t acknowledge the shift. I don’t mean this in a harmful “they’re keeping me down” or “ignoring who I am” sort of way. Sometimes God doesn’t inform everyone you’re connected to of your shift, and even though they’re in your circle they may not truly see what God is doing in your life. Sometimes this reintroduction process can come at a cost.

 

What I See Clearly

Often we pray for God to use us and give us this great purpose to walk in. For me walking in this purpose caused so much change in who I was and how I operated. But what I learned is just because someone loves me does not guarantee they have the capacity to understand the totality of my identity. And that has to be ok. Everyone doesn’t know everything. God gives each person in our tribe enough understanding to support us at the level they’re meant to. We do God, ourselves, and them a disservice when we try to drag people to levels they’re not meant for. It is possible to allow someone to have a fragmented view of you without adopting that limited view yourself.

 

 

The truth is the goal is not to get people to see you, acknowledge your identity, or even to be understood. That is a perfect impossibility. The goal is to maintain your authenticity and trust that God will send those who have the capacity and sight to understand your post-shift identity. And you can do this without any resentment or hurt feelings. Allow them to be who they are meant to be as you strive to do the same.

 

 

Lesson 6: Purpose Attracts Needy People

Before this year, I categorized many of my experiences as things that happened to me or for me, but my perspective has expanded. Some things happen because God wants to use who I am and what I carry. Often these instances feel like a negative attack. The frequency of these experiences caught my attention to the point where I started wondering why these particulars things always seem to happen to me. It felt like no matter what I did to try to avoid these negative situations, they were seeking me out. That might be true. Let me explain. 

 

What I See Clearly

Not all attacks are personal. Some are purposeful. I believe who we are and what our purpose is attracts people and experiences to us. I always thought of this in a positive way, but this year I learned the cost. Sometimes God allows you to interact with people not because they want what He’s created you to be, but because they need it. Serving your purpose won’t always end in a positive resolution. Sometimes your calling is to be the wall of truth others run up against or to see so vividly where the other person is that God can use you to intercede for them. People are rarely aware of their own brokenness and need. Often God uses negative encounters to show us the state of others and motivate us to partner with Him to do something about it.

 

For example, my ministry is enlightenment, and right now it’s translated through this blog and articulated through “clearing your sight.” God talked to me about ministry a lot this year. The more I moved in this, the more it seemed I experienced being misunderstood, ignored, lied to, or silenced (well they tried to). This year I learned to recognize the signs of need and what’s required of me when I’m interacting with a needy person.

 

Recognizing Need

• • • These interactions typically include behavior that is diametrically opposed to who I am.
    • They have a higher probability of feeling like a personal attack
    • They have a tendency to get on my last nerve and tempt me to give that person what they’re asking fo’.

 

Tip: Before you respond, ask God how to handle this person. I’m not talking about a long, drawn-out conversation but just a quick “Lord, what is this?” Or “What am I supposed to do with this?” Or “Help me do your will.” The key is to stay aware enough to ask before you regulate.

 

 

Interacting with needy people refines your gift and matures you to better operate in your purpose. But it requires you to reject your natural tendencies. How you will probably want to handle it and how God would like you to are usually very different, so you have to choose. We have to be ready to offset the offense and be so clear about who we are and what we’re called to do that we retain our essence in face of the contradiction. We must look past the behavior and focus on the result God wants to achieve. You have to maintain a level of sight that’s not clouded by emotion.

Sometimes God allows the smoke to come to you because what’s in you will expose what He wants to address. You are not always an extinguisher. Sometimes you’re a spotlight showing what God wants to heal them of and strengthen you in. But that only happens if you don’t let the feeling of being attacked cause you to react in a counterproductive way. When a purposeful attack is handled like a personal one, you’ll go into fight mode and assassinate someone you’re meant to help heal. Some of the most negative encounters connected me with some of the neediest people. Sometimes this is what being used looks like. Sometimes this is a purpose-driven life.

 

 

 Lessons From The Journey

In all of the self-examination required for writing these blogs, I have a better understanding of myself. It has not been easy but it’s definitely been worth it. These lessons are priceless.

 

 

 

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«Consider This»

• What lessons have you learned from your journey? Whether it’s one month, one quarter, one year etc., pick a span of time and focus. See what your journey has taught and cost you.

Let’s have a conversation about this. Share your thoughts below.