The Art of Being

♥ 5 MIN READ-

My world is filled with people trying to become a new version of themselves or mimicking the seemingly successful versions of other people they see. We are consumed with becoming. Consumed with leveling up. Consumed with success, influence, shifting attention, or engaging the masses. We want to lead, we want our voices to matter, we want our gifts to impact. The more I look at myself and others I can’t help but feel like we’re missing the key.

What I see clearly

We focus so much on becoming that we haven’t mastered the art of being. 

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with becoming. Growth is beautiful. Evolution is necessary but WHY you become is just as important as WHAT you become.

Becoming Motivations

There are so many times in life that I decided I needed to be different to become who I wanted to be. In middle school, I needed to be a little sexier so the boy I liked would notice me. In college, I needed to be more outgoing so I could network and land a big job. In adulthood, it’s never-ending. I need to be more assertive so my manager doesn’t walk all over me. I need to be more fun so my friends don’t think I’m so serious all the time. I need to be tougher so my sisters will stop calling me overly sensitive. I need to be more domestic so I can prepare to be a better wife. It seems that no matter the situation, the solution is that to have what I want, something about me needs to change.

This is a lie that shows up in subtle ways. For me the issue isn’t some major insecurity or low-self-esteem problem, it’s buying into the belief that modifying who I am is necessary to fulfill my desires. There is a subtle difference between growth and modification. Growth is motivated by God. It is focused on the things you need to let go of to be better. Modification is motivated by me. It’s my attempt to fix the things I see missing in myself and it slowly reinforces the notion that at my core, I am not enough.

What I see clearly

When our motivation for becoming is built on this “modification lie” we only learn to portray characteristics but we don’t master actually being.

 

It is frustratingly exhausting to try so hard to be. There is no consistency. There’s no authenticity. It’s not actually who we are. It’s simply who we’re pretending to be. But what I’m finding is that when I stop portraying what I think these things look like, I learn to actually be them instead of a counterfeit version. Strength is not attitude. Power is not control. You learn how to be strong by recognizing your weakness and you obtain power by giving up control. Recognizing our inadequacies and making peace with them is the pathway to becoming who we’ve been trying to be.

A Girl I Used to Know

God has a way of showing us who we are by reminding us of how we used to be. Our illogical fearlessness. Our blind trust. How we used to speak our mind regardless of who was in the room. The way we would approach a stranger without being concerned about their title or notoriety. Our ability to dance or laugh or create without fear of ridicule or judgment.

Sometimes the being process becomes going back to retrieve lost pieces of ourselves. Somewhere along the way we decided (whether it was influenced by someone else or our own mind) that a new version of ourselves was necessary so we discarded parts of our identity simply because we didn’t recognize its value. We thought we needed to be better, stronger, smarter, more polished, etc. Regardless of the adjective, we decided we needed to be more in some way.

What I am finding is that I was already the more I wanted to become. I just needed to get acquainted with all of the facets of me and learn how to use each piece. My feelings of inadequacy aren’t an indication that I’m not enough, it’s just showing me that I haven’t mastered being all that I am. Being who I am is effortless, but it’s not always comfortable. Learning to be in every situation takes practice.

What I see clearly

My friend Melissa once said “I’ve always known who I was, I just forgot for a little while.” This was one of those profound statements that in an instant brought my life into focus and effortlessly translated it in a way I could understand. It was a perfect articulation of my experience and in essence explains my definition of  being. Being is simply remembering who you are (the unmodified version) and allowing yourself to be that person in every situation. (Cue the cloud scene of Mufasa from Lion King.) (Check out more Melissa wisdom @ https://www.iamfavoredbee.com/)

There are pieces of ourselves that lie dormant until we are ready to see their value and discover how to use them for our benefit. The truth is we don’t need to try to become. When we focus on being and finding value in every facet of who we are, becoming happens naturally.

Mastering the Addiction

More common than drugs or alcohol, the world is addicted to becoming but it’s a trap. In the hurry to become 2.0 versions of ourselves we become unsettled, unsatisfied, and discontent. We live lives marred by hustle, noise, and restlessness but we justify it as the cost of ambition. We desperately crave a level of peace that only comes from being. Becoming is the carrot we chase but being is the remedy.

So how do we master being? Honestly, this process is different for each person. I think it all goes back to what motivates your need to become. Since mine is feeling deficient my process starts with making peace with my weaknesses so that I can resist the urge to hide them, or try to fix them myself. Now making peace doesn’t mean becoming complacent in my growth. It just means being open to the idea that what I see as a deficiency may not be accurate and if it is, trusting God to help me overcome it. There is power in facing our imperfections so that we can address it in the way it was meant to be addressed. Sometimes the things I want to change about myself actually need to change, but other times its simply my perspective that needs to be altered. When I take my time to really understand I learn the difference.

«Consider This»

So my question to you is: When you are not busy becoming who are you? Without your plans for the future, without the masks and the filters, without the trying to become who are you? If you knew that you wouldn’t be judged or questioned or critiqued or criticized and total acceptance was a guarantee who would you be?

Let’s have a conversation about this. Share your thoughts below.